amplifieds | Carter & Scott PSL Open Post/Overflow Etc.

[Carter moves away when Scott goes to touch him, sitting up fully and looking at him with eyes full of hurt.]

You know I care deeply and yet you just said that my feelings aren't on your level.

What the fuck, Scott.

[He says and gets up off the couch to pace around the living room, obviously upset.]

I'm not asking you to make decisions for me, okay? And I appreciate you letting me kind of set the pace when it comes to sex but it's kind of bullshit if you're secretly wishing for more or sitting there going 'oh he's not on the same level as me' but then you don't say anything about it.

I'm a telepath but you should know by now that I don't read your mind, you have to actually talk to me about this shit.

If you're unsatisfied with what we're doing then say something, don't just apologize for a bunch of stuff and then put it all on me to figure out.

[This is not what he meant at all, and when Carter moves away and then gets up to pace, Scott feels worse than ever. He never meant it to come out like that. He can see now how it sounded, but fuck.

He feels more vulnerable sitting her naked than he ever has before in his life. Pulling his legs in, he curls his arms around them, uncertain how to make it better.]

That's not what I meant, Carter. I mean... I mean I love you. I have for a little bit, and I didn't think it was the right time to say it yet. I know you care about me. I know you care about me a lot. I didn't mean that you don't.

I'm not trying to put anything on you. I didn't meant for it to feel that way. It's my fault for not knowing how to communicate things properly. I need to learn better. I don't know how to ask, because things always just happened before, and I need to figure out how to. That's all on me, you're right. None of this is you at all. I didn't mean to say that it was, or invalidate any of your feelings.

I wasn't saying we needed to have sex either if that's what you're thinking, not that I'm against it. I was only talking about doing other things. I don't want to push things, like I said. I don't know. I'm curious. I don't know how to ask, because I've never done anything, and I'm fucking nervous about everything and every time you touch me it feels so good, that I only care abut that and it's hard. I'm need to get over being nervous to talk about this part of sex with you when we're in the middle of doing things. I feel like I should be happy with everything I have, and I am. See, this is my brain ... It's ... frustrating.

[He bites his lip, and does his best to hold onto the pain in his chest because Scott is shit at confrontation with people he cares deeply about. He's good at asking for forgiveness, but this part is the hardest and he always fumbles because his heart sits throbbing in his chest and he doesn't always know the best things to say.]

[Carter stops pacing, his whole body going very still and there's a very long moment of silence after Scott stops talking. No doubt that silence is heart wrenching to the other boy but Carter doesn't notice, can't notice right now because his heart has feels like it has stopped and finally he looks over at Scott.]

....you love me?

[Backtracking... Scott figures he might have not blown by that part, but it wasn't easy to say and he wasn't sure he should have said it yet by any means. Scott's never been one to hold onto his heart in any smart manner. It always went fast, and with how they seemed to work on getting to know one another and date, Scott never wanted to be so forward.

He'd almost blurted it out a handful of times. The last time when they were back in the snow talking and walking. The simplest answer was always the easiest. Looking straight at Carter, he nods.]

For a while now, Yes. I love you.

[There's a flicker of confusion in Carter's eyes, as if he expected Scott to say no, as if he was realizing for the first time in a long time that he was deserving of love and then a beautiful, warm smile stretches across his face and he comes back to the couch. He pushes Scott back against the couch and straddles him, kissing him as if it were both their first and last.]

I love you too.

[He whispers when that kiss finally ends.]

[Confusion is etched out across Scott's features as he watches Carter's face change. It's a wash of emotions in stages, and then there's a giant smile across those gorgeous features and Carter comes rushing back to the couch. Scott is all but bowled over by the kiss to his lips. He wraps his arms around Carter tighter than he ever has before, opening his body back up completely.

All thoughts of anything he'd previously worried about are gone as they kiss. His heart flows through into that kiss, and there's no doubt in the world that he loves Carter now. His eyes flutter open and meet his boyfriend's right as the sweetest words in the world fall between them.]

You do?

[He smiles, and whispers with their lips touching. ]

Yeah, I do.

[He says and kisses him again and again and then hugs him, nuzzling his face into the crook of Scott's neck.]

I was scared to say anything because the last few times I've loved someone it didn't go so well and I didn't want to lose you.

I almost blurted it out when we were walking together in the snow. It's been hard. I fall faster than a lot of people, so I try to keep my mouth shut. I could never turn you away. You are a part of my heart. I love you so much.

[He was terrified that he'd come so close to losing Carter today, and he was worried that once he said it that it might be a nail in their coffin-- instead it turned out so wonderfully.]

You can't lose me.

[Kissing up the side of his face, Scott digs his fingers into Carter's hair and feels his heart overflowing now that things are out in the open.]

[Carter giggles when Scott kisses up the side of his face and turns to catch those lips in another kiss, it lasts a long time and when he pulls away he is a little breathless.]

Wow. Okay.

[He says and rests his forehead against Scott's.]

You don't have to be nervous you know, to ask for things. It's not like I know what I'm doing either when it comes to this stuff so we should be as open as we can be about it.

My mom always said curiosity was a good thing because it leads to discussion and sharing.

[It's nice to sit here feeling at peace and not worrying about all that Scott is feeling for once. He's so tired of having everything all tied up inside that his whole body, minus the obvious parts are relaxed. He's pressed back into the couch, holding Carter tight. Every single kiss grows in passion and intensity, and he can't help but groan as their bodies brush together now and then.]

I'll work on it. I don't know how far you got with anyone else. I want to move beyond where we are now some, if that's okay? I mean, I know there can be fingers, toys, mouths all involved, but mainly I'm interested in fingers and mouths. If you want to know .... I want to know what it feels like to have my prostate touched, and to touch yours. I want to make you feel good in a new way, not that what we do doesn't feel amazing. I do want to have sex with you one day...

[It was hard to say, but he felt less like Carter was going to judge him knowing that they were in love now, somehow. Sure, he could be turned down and that would hurt a little, but they were open to talking and Scott didn't want to be turned down, but how would he ever know anything if he didn't open it up for discussion. ]

Of course I want to know, you dingus.

[He says fondly and kisses him again.]

I want to have sex with you too but I've never had full on sex with a guy before so I think fingers would be a great place to start. I'm up for doing that to one another.

You also mentioned mouths, does that mean you want me to uh, lick your asshole and stuff like that?

I know you haven't. We talked about it that day... the day I misunderstood everything and felt really bad for it. You're my first guy for everything, but I don't see it as different really than having sex with a girl and ...

[Scott shrugs. His history is no secret. He leans in and kisses Carter.]

I didn't realize how different it would be to you, so that's why I've felt hesitant to move forward. I want to learn with you, but we've been dating for a while and you never mentioned it, and I guess I don't know what you think about it, and why it's different, or how it's different. Maybe I'm wrong. I mean, I know you said you weren't a virgin. I assumed that meant penetrative sex with a girl.

[This is why Scott was nervous, because parts he didn't understand, and he tried to and when he didn't-- he thought something was up with him. So, now that Scott says he loves him. He's doing his best, but his thoughts are still scattered. He runs his hands along Carter's sides as they talk.]

No, you don't have to touch me with your mouth, but would you be against me trying it with you? Or do you think it's gross?

[Carter makes an exasperated sound and kisses his cheek.]

Scott, knock it off. You didn't 'misunderstand everything', it was just one thing and we've moved past that so stop emotionally whipping yourself over it.

And if you didn't know what I think or why it's different, all you had to do was ask. But that's what we're doing now so it's okay.

[He kisses his cheek again.]

It's different to me because I've never had penetrative sex with a guy, aka a dick in my ass. I've done some light anal play but nothing like that so I don't really want to just dive right in and be like WOAH MASSIVE DILDOS! Or full dick is ass let's goooo!

I like the idea of using fingers to start so we can both get a feel as to how deep and how wide we can both go, then from there we can either use toys or start to do partial penetration. Does that make sense?

And no, I'm not against you licking my ass. I don't think it's gross so long as I get to have a shower beforehand.

Wait. Who says that you have to be the one with the dick in your ass. Did you just assume that it would be that way, and that we couldn't have sex because maybe I wouldn't want yours in me?

[It's not exactly the point, but to make such a distinct difference between the two, and make it sound like it only went one way-- had Scott feeling weird, since Carter didn't want Scott assuming things for him. What if Scott was ready for all of that, and didn't mind it. It was a big step, but with preparation, it didn't take a lot of build up in his mind. It wasn't like they had to do it now, but the fact that it had always been flipped around in Carter's head was odd.

Taking a breath, Scott shrugged.]

I said I'd let you set the pace, and that's fine. I'm still ready when you are, and like I said. I don't mind being on the bottom or taking anything right away. That's your preference to build up. I understand it completely, but it's not how I feel. Plus, I think that showers are good anytime we mess around. I don't like being dirty if I know you're going to be going down on me at all. Those are my thoughts.

I'm not assuming anything, babe. It was just an example. I'm open to being a top or a bottom and if you are as well that's cool.

[He explains and kisses between Scott's brows because he can see them starting to furrow.]

Well then tell me how you feel.

I thought I did. I told you that I've been ready to be with you whenever you're ready. Because of me, my wolf, I don't know, maybe it's a mix of the two, maybe I'm not a great person. I ... don't wait. I love you, and because of that you know that I'll do what you need. It's just a lot different from what I've done in the past, but you're more important to me than any of that.

[What's Scott supposed to say. He has already said that he's okay with whatever Carter wants to do, but if they're waiting because he's worried about something being in his ass, then they don't have to because Scott isn't worried about it. Scott would have done that shortly after they started dating. It really is kind of a moot point now, because it feels like they've over talked it, and Scott doesn't even know what he's saying at this point.

He's starting to feel bad for saying anything. Although, he can't regret it in part because now he knows that they are in love and that's more important than anything about sex. He'd rather sit and cuddle Carter forever at this point.

With a sigh, he tugs Carter in closer and kisses his neck softly, inhaling deeply, wrapping his boyfriend's scent around him. Scott brushes his cheek against his shoulder and then kisses it. ]

In the end. This. This is all that matters. You. You are all that matters to me. The rest is superfluous. I love you.

Hey. You are a great person, I wouldn't love you if you weren't so knock that off. It just means you dive in feet first where as I like to wade in the water.

[He says and hugs him back tightly.]

And I know it's weird to talk about all this stuff but it's good, it helps me understand what you want and need because that's important to me, okay?

That being said, do you wanna try some of that prostate stuff tonight?

I don't know what I want to do right now, but be with you for a little bit. I got turned around, so give me a minute. I need to be close like this and just touch you for a while, is that okay? I know, I ...okay, I'm not going to apologize again, even if I want to.

[It's hard, because Scott does feel like he's mixed it all up, but due to all that's happened what he wants most is to be in the moment and enjoy being in love. He wants to feel all of his body pressed up tight to Carter's. It's been so hard for Scott not being with him all the time lately, and he sort of shut down some of his hormones and they overwhelmed him.

Scott forgets about things like that. He forgets that he needs to Cater to all his needs no matter what. He's still learning about being in a relationship with someone very different from himself. He loves Carter so much though, and has for a while so it feels perfect to inhale him, and spread his scent across his shoulder. Marking and mating are natural instincts to the wolf, especially one in love-- and that's something Scott will deal with, but he's got to figure out his triggers, and how to hold onto them while not feeling bad about them. ]

It's more than okay.

[Carter says and moves so he can press and cuddle as much of his body against Scott as he can, his hands running over his boyfriend's body slowly and tenderly.]

I love you, Scott.

[He says softly and then falls silent, letting his body be a source of comfort for the other man.]

What am I going to do with you. You're always so wonderful.

[...and understanding about all my faults, Scott thinks as he buries his face into Conner's shoulder. It feels so good here. Scott's body gives off a lot of heat, so he's rarely cold, but there's a certain comfort found in the way two bodies feel when they're resting together--it's like they give off a special warmth of their own and Scott relishes that.

He loves the way he can lay here and listen to all the different sounds of Carter's body as it moves through the functions of life, breath, heart, digestion, all of it. It's all a part of him, and it always has been. He sighs and kisses the shoulder he's at, and then Carter's neck softly.]

I love you too, so, so much.

It feels really good that we can say that out loud to one another.

[He says with a happy little sigh, holding Scott close. His heart does feel lighter, just like it did when he and Scott admitted their big secrets to one another, that each of them had powers. It had seemed like such a big deal when they thought they couldn't say anything and now it was just normal for them. They had accepted one another and grown closer.]

I like being honest with you. I know it's not always easy, but I really do love you and don't want to keep anything from you.

[Feeling a little small and contrite for letting his hormones get in the way earlier, Scott sighs with a happy nuzzle and a little growl in his throat. It's such a relief to find a partner here who will love him and accept him for exactly who he is.

Hell, Carter was even turned on by some of Scott's more wolfish features. It felt so good to know that earlier.]

[Carter meanwhile giggles and nuzzles Scott back.]

I love it when you growl like that, it tickles and sounds really sexy.

[He laughs at the sound of Carter giggling next to him, then moves and makes the little growl again up against Carter's neck, scraping his teeth over the surface and sucking on it some. His arms tighten briefly, body shivering again with knowledge of how close they are. It's a miracle that he ever found someone this wonderful. ]

Yeah, well I do it when I'm happy, and you my very sexy boyfriend make me very happy.

[Carter's giggles turn into a little gasp as Scott's teeth graze across his skin and he arches his back a little, pushing himself against Scott.]

You make me happy too.
Happier than I have been in years actually.

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